6 Ways Sex Changes When You’re Breastfeeding

Dr. Pari was featured as a guest contributor in the article below, originally posted for Women’s Health by Laura Lifshitz.

For some lucky moms, breastfeeding initially means no period, no PMS, and tons of oxytocin-induced bonding with an incredibly cute, tiny human. But as you begin to feel more and more like a dairy cow and your nipples begin to chaffe, serving up boob 24/7 might take your sex life from 69 to zero.

Whether you’re in the middle of a feeding frenzy, or about to bring a small one into the world, we’ve asked the experts for straight talk on how breastfeeding can impact your time in the sack—and how to deal.

Thanks to hormonal changes during nursing, you might experience irregular spotting, which may make some women uncomfortable with having sex, says Pari Ghodsi, M.D., ob-gyn and fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists.

But even if you’ve never had period sex before, there’s no reason not to try it out now. Having sex in the shower, asking him for oral, or just embracing the random flow can all make spotty period sex super hot.

Walking around with spit up on your shirt and a kid attached to your nipple might make you feel more like a milk factory than a sex machine, and that’s OK. Some women feel that taking on the role of new mom is emotionally incompatible with being sexy, says licensed clinical counselor Cynthia Lief Ruberg. That’s especially true in the early days of infancy, when you’re constantly nursing, she says. Just remember, if you don’t feel like having sex, you don’t have to have it.

On the other hand, some women may feel even sexier while nursing, says licensed relationship therapist Tammy Nelson, Ph.D., author of Getting the Sex You Want. If you’re thinking, “How the hell could anyone feel hot and bothered when milking yourself 24/7,” let us explain. Since your breasts are tender and your nipples are more sensitive, those heightened sensations can lead to quicker and easier orgasms during sex, says Nelson.

OK, not that kind of squirting. But don’t be surprised if your nipples leak with nipple stimulation, or when you orgasm, says Ghodsi. Apparently, it’s all part of the milk-ejection reflex, says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., Astroglide’s resident sex and relationship expert. She says that many partners find this little party trick exciting, since it’s a visual of your orgasm. Boobs: the gifts that keep on giving.

Thanks to the hormonal changes caused by breastfeeding, you may notice your vagina is way drier than normal. Here’s why: When you’re nursing, your pituitary gland produces bursts of prolactin, a hormone that stimulates your breasts to make milk, says Mary Jane Minkin, M.D., ob-gyn, clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at Yale Medical School. But prolactin also impacts the production of other hormones from the pituitary gland, like estrogen. And without that estrogen, your vagina becomes parched (kind of like it does during menopause), she says.

That’s where lube comes in, says Alyssa Dweck, M.D., ob-gyn, assistant clinical professor at Mt. Sinai School of Medicine in New York. If that doesn’t seem to be doing the trick, you can also talk to your doctor about taking vaginal estrogen in tablet or cream form.

The boost in oxytocin and prolactin coupled with the physical act of breastfeeding may meet your quota for affection, meaning any love coming from your baby daddy just feels like too much, says O’Reilly. That being said, it’s important for your relationship that you make the time for bae (in addition to baby), she says.

You can start by making an effort to have one-on-one time together, even if it’s just for an hour, says Leah Millheiser, M.D., ob-gyn, director of the female sexual medicine program at Stanford University School of Medicine. We’re not saying you need to force sex. Just talking about how you’re feeling, holding hands, cuddling, kissing, or maybe having oral sex is enough, she says. Intimacy doesn’t mean penetration.